In shape & Out of shape

I try to title this nicely, but we all know what I really mean.......Are we fat or are we not! I see a much different world since I gained weight. Do we belong in a world who hates fat people? Doors that were open have closed..............attention that was given, (and trust me it was alot!) has know dwindled. Some parts of me are happy about that. We strive to look good and feel good, but outside forces make it impossible to enjoy. Negative attention from men; nasty comments from women..............am I happier with or without weight.........the verdict is still out on this. I want to look good, but at what price. Does it matter what you look like after 40? The world caters to the young..............so I don't really know the answer to this question. Most of my life I was very entwined in looking good. That seemed to be more important than having a personality....though I always had both lol! It was hard being myself though, when people only looked at your outer appearance. I laugh when I meet new people who never knew me before. They expect me to be insecure due to my appearance, I say this as if I am hideous. I am not, I just know that there is a certain expectation of looking good, and if I am not at my best I am hard on myself. They are amazed that they cannot knock me down, I am not. I know what I am made of. Fat or skinny I am who I am , and btw it took a long time for me to realize this. I see the difference of how people perceive me that know me only after I gained. I look at them and know, so I have that on them......I know how shallow they really are, and they don't matter. People who look at what you have inside are the only people that I respect or care to know at this point in life...............